When you try to suppress a thought, two things happen simultaneously. One is your conscious attempt to distract yourself from the thought. This is where you fill your head with anything but the thought you are not to supposed to think of. The other is an automatic monitoring system that is constantly checking to see if the thought has crept back into your head. The problem with this monitoring system is that it has to keep the thing you’re trying to suppress in mind, which ironically keeps bringing it back to the forefront.
The same goes to people. You keep thinking of someone not because you lack willpower but simply because your brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do when it comes to suppressing thoughts.
Are You Really in Love With That One Person You Can’t Get Out of Your Mind?
Sometimes, the explanation for why a particular person just keeps popping up in your head isn’t necessarily about unfinished business, but about limerence, a psychological phenomenon that was first identified by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s.
According to Tennov’s findings, people who are experiencing limerence find themselves obsessively thinking about someone, idealizing them, and searching for signs that their feelings are, in fact, returned. Every glance, message, and small interaction becomes magnified in importance, while uncertainty or rejection leads to increased anxiety and obsession.
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