I bought one plate, one mug, one fork, and a folding chair that pinched the backs of my legs.
At first, I told myself the emptiness was peace.
No heavy talks.
No grief waiting in the bedroom.
No silent dinners.
But peace does not make you wake in a sweat because you dreamed your ex-wife was calling your name from another room.
By the second month, I had learned the exact shape of my mistake, even though I still refused to name it that.
I missed her.
I missed the way she tucked her feet beneath herself on the couch.
I missed the grocery lists written in her small, slanted handwriting.
I missed the sound of her rinsing a coffee mug before I left for work.
Most of all, I missed someone asking if I had eaten.
Still, I did nothing.
Regret stays lazy when pride is still paying the rent.
Then David texted.
Then I went to the hospital.
Then I found Emily alone.
For several seconds, I stood frozen, the coffee cup bending in my hand.
Her face looked thinner than I remembered.
The skin beneath her eyes seemed bruised with exhaustion.
Her short hair changed the entire shape of her face, making her look younger and older at once.
A hospital wristband circled her left wrist.
IV tubing ran from her arm to a clear bag hanging beside the chair.
She looked breakable.
She looked ashamed.
She looked almost unseen by everyone walking past.
I moved toward her slowly.
My shoes squeaked once against the polished floor.
She heard it and raised her head.
Our eyes met.
“Emily?”
Shock crossed her face.
Not joy.
Not anger.
Shock.
“Michael…?”
My chest tightened.
I sat beside her before I could convince myself not to.
“What happened to you?” I asked. “Why are you here?”
She looked away at once.
“It’s nothing,” she said.
Her voice was faint.
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